Cute

There are moments in certain situations where we find ourselves so mentally removed to the point that we are able to observe all happenings with a sense of—many people will not like this next word—irony that renders the situation surreal and results in humorous and even ridiculous culminations. Being a waiter is difficult because I find it so hard to keep a straight face, let alone not be unequivocally and sincerely cheesy and serious in my interactions with my guests.

The moments of my being totally conscious of what I am doing yet oddly detached (because how attached can you really be at a restaurant?) make the following observations possible:

I am not a good waiter because I fail to grasp a seemingly simple yet important equation: guest plus receiving what he/she wants on time equals satisfaction.

I make what I think are authentically funny one-liners and lame jokes that would make me puke if I were not a server, i.e. a guest.

I enthusiastically use the word “absolutely” like it's the one word that will save humankind from its possible demise. If I were not me, I would wonder if I was simply being sarcastic, or just overly excited to get someone that little ramekin of ketchup I so rudely asked for.

On that last note, I must make clear that for some odd reason I cannot be ironic or sarcastic with my guests at my restaurant, and it’s not because I’m afraid that I’ll get canned. I simply cannot be either because the situation is, in itself, ironic—I must offer my personality to the guest even though, in most cases, he/she could give approximately two craps about who I am and what my personal history is and vice versa. It boggles my mind to great ends, so I end up being genuinely accommodating and friendly, and wanting to be.

I want very much to have some insightful, ironic, cynical, and clever comment about what happens when customers argue over who will pay the bill (regardless of that well-known but unspoken rule that whoever grabs the check first will undoubtedly pay) and the societal implications in the act itself. But, I have no such comments because I find—to my chagrin—the situation oddly sentimental. I find it…(grimace)…cute.