Mr. Obvious

There is a man at my school who works in the office. He is a very sweet and nice man. I call him Mr. Obvious. Mr. Obvious cannot speak English, but he knows a small collection of English words, mostly nouns and adjectives. My interaction with Mr. Obvious usually begins first thing in the morning, as I pass the office when going to the teachers' room. Although I know he cannot speak English, I find it strange that Mr. Obvious lacks even the most perfunctory understanding of standard greetings. Our morning interaction usually begins like this:

Me: "Good morning!"
Mr. Obvious: "Ah! John-San!Good morning."

(so far so good...but here's where it gets a little tricky)

Me: "How are you?"
Mr. Obvious: "How are you?"
Me: "Oh, me? I'm good. How are you?"
Mr. Obvious: "How are you?"
Me: " Fine, but how are YOU?!"
Mr. Obvious: "How are you?"

And so on...

Mr. Obvious comes into the teacher's room a lot on various errands, and when he passes my desk, he thankfully takes the time to name the activity in which I am in the middle of, or simply points and lists off the things that are scattered on my desk. Mr. Obvious also hates to waste his time with sentences, let alone questions (other than "How are you?"), as he finds it more efficient to use the shortest vernacular available. For example:

(When I am preparing materials for class)

Mr. Obvious: "Ohhh, English."

(When I am eating lunch)

Mr. Obvious: "Ohhh, food."

(When I am reading)

Mr. Obvious: "Ohhh, book."

(When I am talking with someone else)

Mr. Obvious: "Ohhh, talk."

(Or when I'm studying Japanese)

Mr. Obvious: "Ohhh, Japanese."

Mr. Obvious is always innocently smiling when he does all this, so I cannot say that he is annoying. Yet, he unfailingly makes me feel two things:

1.) What it must have been like to be a caveman, and

2.) an unsatiable desire to have the ability to translate this English phrase into Japanese: "NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!"